The first step toward healing and reclaiming your sense of self is self-awareness. Recognizing that you’ve been abandoning yourself and understanding why. This involves:
1. Acknowledging the Pattern
Notice where and how you suppress your needs, ignore your feelings, or overextend yourself in relationships.
Reflect on past experiences or childhood patterns that may have shaped this behavior.
2. Reconnecting with Your Own Needs & Desires
Ask yourself: What do I want? What do I need?—without filtering it through someone else’s expectations.
Start small by honoring basic self-care, personal interests, and daily boundaries.
3. Practicing Boundaries
Learn to say no without guilt.
Identify where you’ve allowed disrespect or over-giving and take steps to set healthier limits.
4. Listening to Your Emotions
Validate your own feelings rather than dismissing them.
Journaling, therapy or mindfulness can help process emotions rather than suppress them.
5. Rebuilding Self-Trust
Stop second-guessing yourself—your needs, instincts, and choices are valid.
Make small decisions for yourself and follow through on them.
Healing starts with small steps. It’s about shifting from external validation to internal self-worth.
When you take the first step toward healing and reclaiming your sense of self, you’ll start noticing shifts both internally (in your thoughts, emotions, and self-perception) and externally (in your relationships and daily life).
Internally, you may experience:
- 1. Increased Self-Awareness: You’ll begin noticing when you’re abandoning yourself and start questioning old patterns.
- 2. Emotional Discomfort: Healing isn’t always easy at first. Feelings of guilt, fear, or sadness may arise as you step out of familiar patterns.
- 3. Stronger Intuition: As you reconnect with yourself, you’ll feel a clearer sense of what’s right or wrong for you.
- 4. Inner Conflict: Part of you may want to keep people-pleasing, while another part craves freedom. This is normal.
- 5. Moments of Empowerment: Even small acts of self-honoring will bring relief, confidence, and self-respect.
- 6. Less Emotional Suppression: You may cry more, feel anger you previously ignored, or experience emotions more deeply as they surface for healing.
Externally, you may notice:
- 1. Relationship Shifts: Some people may resist your changes, especially if they benefited from your self-abandonment. Others may respect you more.
- 2. Boundary Pushback: If you start saying “no” or expressing your needs, some people may test you or guilt-trip you.
- 3. Newfound Energy: As you stop over-giving and draining yourself, you’ll feel lighter, less exhausted, and more motivated.
- 4. Changes in Interests & Social Circles: You may outgrow relationships or activities that no longer align with your true self.
- 5. More Fulfilling Connections: The more you honor yourself, the more you’ll attract relationships that respect and nurture you.
- 6. External Resistance or Support: Some people will cheer you on; others may criticize or resist your growth. Stay focused on your path.
This process isn’t linear. There will be ups and downs, it comes in waves. Some days it feels empowering, while other days it feels heavy. But with each step you’re coming back home to yourself. The key is to stay committed to yourself even when it feels uncomfortable. A shift in healing brings both internal and external changes that can feel unfamiliar, liberating or even challenging at times. Here’s how it typically manifests:
Internal healing feels Like:
- You start recognizing and honoring your feelings instead of suppressing them, this is emotional clarity.
- There’s a growing sense of calm and trust in yourself even if things aren’t perfect, this is your inner peace.
- You stop being so hard on yourself and start treating yourself with kindness and compassion.
- You no longer feel the need to control everything or constantly seek validation. You feel less anxiety and less overthinking.
- As you release old patterns, you might feel sadness and grief over past self-abandonment or lost time.
- You start feeling more you, rediscovering your passions, values and voice. You finding a stronger sense of self.
- Some days you’ll feel lighter and more free, other days you may feel tired as your body and mind adjust to the energy shift that are taking place.
External healing looks like:
- You learn to set stronger boundaries and be more confidently to say NO and stop tolerating mistreatment.
- You see shifts in relationships. Some relationships may fade or go away, while healthier connections strengthen.
- You see changes in how others treat you. People who respect your growth may be supportive, while those who benefited from your self-abandonment may resist or test you.
- You engage in activities and make choices based on what you want, not just to please others. You have a newfound freedom.
- As you heal, you’re less drawn to toxic dynamics and emotional rollercoasters, so less drama and chaos.
- You attract new experiences, new friendships and even career paths that resonate with your true self because opportunities are aligning.
- You start genuinely enjoying life, feeling more present and connected to yourself and others. You experience more joy and presence.
A healing journey isn’t the end of your road, it is an old cycle you close to step into a new one with new challenges to let you grow and prepare you for your purpose.